This is the first time I have EVER answered a question on …butilovememore.com where I may have to give you a 100% biased opinion.

You will work anywhere between 40 and 60 years of your life, unless your last name is Gates, Trump or Hilton. There is no disservice you can do yourself or your employer than to undervalue the importance of enjoying what you do. The question is, do you want a job or do you want a career? A job, in my opinion, is a series of tasks you perform for financial compensation. A career is a professional lifestyle you choose because you enjoy performing the associated tasks, and that you also get financially compensated is icing on the cake.

You weren’t at all convincing that you saw your employment at the bank as a career, so therefore, now that you know where your passion is, every day that working at the bank prevents you from doing the work you love, which is building furniture, you will carry resentment with you to the job. However, it is not wise to cut off your nose to spite your face, in this case – severing your source of steady income to chase a dream of becoming the next Ingvar Kamprad (Founder of IKEA Home Furnishings), so I suggest you set some boundaries at work to secure some free time for you to indulge this hobby-turned-hustle.

Working at a bank may equip you with some inside knowledge on how to further develop your business, and you never know, what may have started as just a way to earn a little extra cash, could grow into an entire company bearing your name and employing others to build your designs! One of the catch phrases that the kids are using all the time is “YOLO (You Only Live Once)”. It has been a self-serving permission slip to do all kinds of nonsense. BUT, it is at these types of junctures in your journey where you could rationalize living out your dreams because YOLO.

The reason I said earlier that my opinion was biased, is because your story is very similar to mine. And to add a touch of iirony, the bulk of my working days were spent in Home Furnishings (specifically, furniture). And I loved it, but my calling was writing, and I have NEVER been more at peace with myself than the day I decided not to suppress what I loved for only what I believed I was good at.

Best of luck to you!

What “dream” is it that you speak of? Dreams are the movie-like thoughts we have when we’re sleeping, but what happens in real life is our DESTINY. You have to be actively engaged in your life in order to experience your true destiny which means hanging in there even when things get rough. Think about all those people that we observe from the outside, like Beyonce or Gwen Stefani, and think “Wow! These women are living out their dreams”. Well yeah! They hung in there through numerous rejections, problems within their bands, critics that said they couldn’t sing, etc. and today they are moguls in the music/fashion industry with husbands that adore them and kids and so on.

There is no great reward in being comfortable all the time. Anything that is worth achieving is also worth the journey getting there. So, there is no real way to know when the dream is over, if you don’t stick around long enough to find out. There is a difference between difficult and impossible. We learn this lesson as children when we are learning to tie our shoelaces. Nobody gets it right the first time, and we keep trying until we get it right and when we do, we are beaming from ear to ear (wanting to tie everybody’s shoelaces for them).

Imagine you were someone’s challenging project. They liked you, wanted to be with you, but you were difficult to get close to because maybe you are shy and reserved. If that person tossed up their hands and said “Eff this sh*t” before you had a chance to show them the real you….well, you’d both be feeling pretty lousy. You can’t win in life when you give up to easily. So start WINNING!

Patience is a virtue. Remember that.

is this the man you will marry? perhaps. is it love? it may be?

the best advice i can give to be sure that YOU are ready to receive. the sabotage, the doubt, the past bullshit and disappointment may surface, as a test…if its real, he’ll see that for what it is, and so will you. be open to love and if you want love, be loving.

good luck, be safe and girl, have FUN!!

~nova

Love feels different for everybody. Just as pain does. It is very subjective. I would say from my own experience, that if you are even questioning it, it’s probably not the real deal. The greatest part of REAL LOVE is the unwavering security that you have that it truly exists. The day that I knew I had finally struck gold in the love department was the day I NEVER questioned if he truly loved me, or if I truly loved him. I just knew.

You should be able to spend countless days locked up in a room with your man and never tire of his company, never grow impatient or feel suffocated by his presence, in the same light you should be able to be apart from him for days on end and never question his loyalty and commitment to you. There is NO love without trust.

When you really love someone, you should effortlessly see yourself sharing a life with them. Feel joy at the prospect of supporting him to realize his goals, and reassured that he supports you in achieving yours. When you love someone, you take them on completely. The good, the bad, and the ugly. (everybody has a little bad and ugly that they bring to the table).

Passion is a HUGE part of love. Happy marriages that last 30 and 40 years have done so because they STILL see their spouse as the object of their physical desire. Luke warm chemistry won’t cut it, so make sure you and he are sexually compatible.

You haven’t indicated that you are far enough into the relationship to be considering marriage, but I gather long-term commitment is important to you. If this guy is the first thing you think about in the morning, keeps you smiling at your desk all day while you’re at work, and is the last thing you think about before you go to sleep, then you might really love him! The more open and honest you are about your feelings, the more you may be met with the same honesty.

In love, you will rely on your instincts a LOT. Your body will give you a lot of signals. Listen to them.

Good Luck!

When women are hurt, broken, or lost, they are looking for one thing. To be rescued. You are right when you conclude that “someone must have messed her up really bad”. Even the most resilient women have feelings of desperation when they’ve been hurt or humiliated, and likely the reason you two hit it off so well at the party was because you demonstrated familiarity through similar experiences. Your understanding and compassion that night validated her feelings and anguish toward her past, and was a catalyst to her return to herself.

As she healed, she returned to her regular life which included her “other” friends, who when you met her, probably weren’t offering her the support she needed. She likely wasn’t as candid and fragile with her friends as she was with you, and now you represent a time of weakness and vulnerability in her life. That lends itself to why she is one way with you, and a different way in the company of her friends.

They say that people enter each others lives for “a reason, a season or a lifetime”. You may have to accept that you were not meant to have a long-term friendship with this woman, but rather that you were thrown together at that boring party for the specific reason of being a supportive shoulder to lean on in her time of need.

We as human beings, do selfless things for people all the time and then keep it moving, so don’t look at it as a loss if it turns out this friendship wasn’t made to last. Remember the mark you’ll have left on her life and smile.

Good Luck!