*via email*
I’m a young single mother of a special needs child and I think I’m starting to come undone. Zero and I mean ze-ro personal life, alone time or down time. Some people say they are ‘running on fumes’, but I’m rusting out. The other day when my kid started crying in the grocery store, I did too, just as loud as I had all I could take for that day.
You speak on loving yourself more, but I don’t have the time! I hate that I snap at my child or I’m too tired to play. It would just be nice to be there for him and have some time for myself so I have the strength to do it all again the next day.
Is this post-partum? Am I taking on too much? How can I ‘fill up’?
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Ms.Nova
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HANG ON!! Today is almost done! There is still time to regroup & finish strong! (Take a moment if you need one!)5 hours ago from Twitter for BlackBerry®
Creating a hypothetical situatn, putting me in it & assuming my actions & reactions & judging my current character based on THAT = MEGAego.8 hours ago from Twitter for BlackBerry®
Darling Nicky
Being a Mom in general is a taxing role, and certainly being a mother to a special needs child even more so. But you were chosen by higher powers to receive the gift of your child, and if the Lord (or the Universe) did not think you could handle it, you wouldn’t be doing it.
You made no mention of a support system. Is the father of the child around to help you? Your parents? Friends? Everyone needs support, at every stage of life. If none of those people are available to help you, then look toward community services, or perhaps your church. Special needs children require more time and patience, and in order to provide that, YOU have to be ok. And that may mean taking a timeout every now and then to “fill-up”.
You are young, and you deserve to still have an identity beyond “mother of a special needs child”. In fact, you need to have an identity beyond “mother”. How difficult would it be for you to get a sitter twice a month so you could hang out with some friends, or maybe go out on a date. Three hours of downtime twice a month can do wonders for refueling.
I am sure the last thing you want is to snap at your child unintentionally because you are irritable and tired. So I encourage you to do what you need to widen your support network.
Wishing you the best of luck…
Ms.Nova
@Nicky as always, your insight is so valuable. thanks so much for being on this team. i’m not a mother (yet) and i can only imagine that everything is heightened when your child requires additional care. that ‘on edge’ feeling in itself is exhausting and i’m sure the level of mental fatigue must be starting to wain. I have to agree with Nicky 100% on this. MAKE the time for you, find and hang on to your identity outside of being a mother, as best you can. Release the guilt for enjoying time alone and do your best to just enjoy it. Lord knows you deserve it.
~nova