When it all started I don’t know, but I see now that I have serious trust issues. I’m THAT girl – checking his phone when he’s in the shower, scanning his Facebook and Twitter like a CSI episode, and basically holding my breath until my “manfriend” – gives me a reason to marry him or hate him and move out. Friends say that if I look for the worst, I’ll see it and I see that happening.
How do I shake these trust issues and open my life up again?
Have a similar situation? Comments? Let us know below!
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Ms.Nova
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HANG ON!! Today is almost done! There is still time to regroup & finish strong! (Take a moment if you need one!)5 hours ago from Twitter for BlackBerry®
Creating a hypothetical situatn, putting me in it & assuming my actions & reactions & judging my current character based on THAT = MEGAego.8 hours ago from Twitter for BlackBerry®
Darling Nicky
Oh Girl! You know as well as I do that when you go looking for trouble where there is none, it will find you. If your manfriend has given you a legitimate reason NOT to trust him, and you are still with him, then you have to own your decision to stay with him. If he really hasn’t done anything wrong, and still you are suspicious, you are inadvertently giving him a permission slip to betray you. When someone is continually being accused of something (cheating, gambling, doing drugs, etc.) when they are innocent – it often leads to them carrying out the crime because they are already being punished.
Think about how you would feel if someone was invading your privacy all the time. I mean, is it really anybody`s business except your own when your next OB/GYN appointment is? Paranoia is about as attractive as a hairy mole.
It is rare that when people are being stalked, and that IS what you are doing – you are STALKING him, that you are doing so with complete anonymity. So if he knows, he may, just to toy with you, plant things that could upset you. Why torture yourself. If there is no trust, there is no relationship.
Besides, don`t you love yourself more than that?
Good Luck!
Ms.Nova
the comment is appreciated, but to be clear, the Q&A’s do not come from ME, they come from anonymous readers via email, Facebook and Twitter. Some will just stop me on the street and ask.
no trust drama from me. i learned that if you feel you can’t trust people, then you will constantly meet people you can’t trust.
The Alchemist
So Ms. Nova… Yes you do have trust issues. Seems you want to catch him in something and that he can’t be trusted eh? May I suggest that you’re the one can’t be trusted. These grossly inappropriate breaches of privacy (checking his phone, etc.) all smack of behaviours which are intentional in as much as i believe you want to hasten the end of your relationship. Dare i also suggest that you’re a control freak? If you find out he’s cheated then i suppose you can take the high road and break it off first? By your actions you are creating the conditionsmfor a break up and rather than wait it out and spend the necessary time it takes to truky know one another you have decided you want to take the short cut. There is no absolute way to know if he’s being truthful, but if uour gut tells you something it probably relates to unresolved hurts from your own past. Use this as an opportunity to develop real intimacy. Tell him about your wound, reveal your true insecuriry and see what happens. If he acts inappropriately by trivializing your feelings or in any way throwing this vulnerability back at you then you know he has no real interest in a deep and committed relationship – because these trusting revelations are what healthy relations are about. So step up and get your answer Nova!