You are lost and alone. Twisted around and the throat tightening anxiety starts to sinks in. ‘I seriously have no idea where I am – nothing is familiar, no landmarks and no one can help me.’ Time ticks on and hours turn to days.

You push on, one nervous foot in front of the other and you move to what feels like forward. There will be a moment where instincts tingle and say ‘you are almost there’. But you don’t trust them. You are scared and freeze in fear.

Does this sound familiar?

Brilliant songwriter Jill Scott wrote about this moment in “Hear My Call’.

I write about my experience with it.

[Verse 1]
Here I am again asking questions,
Waiting to be moved.
I am so unsure of my perception,
What I thought I knew I don’t seem to
Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in?
Back to the old me and

Experience: When rock bottom hits you there are two choices – lay there or look up. During my dark years, it was a teeter-totter between the two; seeking answers from the God of my understanding  and ‘waiting to be moved’. Waiting (ie: lying there) and expecting someone else to make it better. My mom. A man. Friends. Someone to say, ‘come this way’. The ‘old me’ seemed so much better then the sludge I was living it, but if i went backwards (which isn’t even a choice) I wouldn’t be growing.

[Chorus]

God, please hear my call.
I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw
I need your healing
Please, please, please.

Experience: Replace ‘love’ with ‘life’. LIFE was breaking my heart and I couldn’t understand why. “burned me raw” is such a graphic image. It reminded me of the destructive yet cleansing power of fire. In order for new life to flourish the dead and diseased wood must be destroyed. What’s strongest will survive.

[Verse 2]
I am such a fool
How did I get here?
Played by all the rules
Then they changed
I am but a child to your vision
Standing in the cold and the rain
Lost here in the dark
I can’t see my foot to take a step,
What is happening?
Oh, this hurts so bad. I can hardly breathe.
I just want to leave so…

Experience: Oh the blame game. Beating yourself up. Slandering your life. It never helps does it. Being hard on yourself just for sport pins you to the place you are trying to leave. Its confusing being ‘lost in the dark’. It brought me to tears thinking about it while listening to Jill. But life is LONG and this time won’t last forever. Promise honest. This is the chapter where you learn the most about yourself. Pay attention, it’s an important one.

[Chorus]
God, please hear my call.
I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw
I need your healing
Please,
God, please hear my call.
I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw
I need your healing
Please, please, oh, please, please.

God please hear my call.
I am afraid.
Love has turned me cold,
I need your healing.
Please, please, please, please, please, please.

Experience: Being this vulnerable, this afraid, this desperate is a rare occasion. Be still. Listen. This might be the closest you get to God. Finding a spiritual practice made the difference for me, but I needed to get to this place to realize that. My life lacked an ever present tool that I could use to build the future I wanted, to quiet the noise when my mind was playing tricks on me. Religion and spirituality might not be for everyone, but I have learned that in trying times such as the one Jill sings about, looking IN instead of OUT for the answers is the moment when the lights come on and you can start finding your way again.