Apparently I’ve been out of the dating game awhile. Do I need to say the words ‘will you be my boyfriend’ in order to make my relationship official? We talk everyday. He makes time in his crazy, abnormally hectic schedule to hang out. After a few weeks of ‘talking’, we had sex. All the boxes are being checked ; things in common, interests, equal amount of past damage, passion for travel and the arts. But when I wanted to spend my birthday with him, he went MIA. And friends ran into him in a bar that same weekend and he was all UP on another girl. (no late night text that night…). I’m jealous, feeling confused and like a fifteen year old.
All his actions SAY relationship, but until he SAYS it, how do I know if its the real deal?
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Darling Nicky will give it to you straight!
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HANG ON!! Today is almost done! There is still time to regroup & finish strong! (Take a moment if you need one!)5 hours ago from Twitter for BlackBerry®
Creating a hypothetical situatn, putting me in it & assuming my actions & reactions & judging my current character based on THAT = MEGAego.8 hours ago from Twitter for BlackBerry®
Darling Nicky
Depending on your age, I don`t believe based on your description that there is a need to be as formal as asking the question “Are we in a relationship?” but if he was all up on another woman on your birthday weekend, then clearly you are not.
We live in modern times where females take as much responsibility in those awkward relationship confirming conversations, so if YOU are the one who wants clarity, then YOU are the one who needs to seek it.
If you don`t like the answer you get in return, it does not mean that you have to walk away from what sounds like a really god connection with someone – it just means you need to establish and communicate your boundaries so that you remain comfortable with the situation at all times.
If you are okay that he will continue to date other women outside of you, then perhaps you can establish that he not go out on dates to places where he knows you will be just out of respect. Remember, liking someone and enjoying someone`s company (and sex) does not mean you MUST be in a relationship. All it confirms is that you like each other and have some chemistry.
Have the two of you ever discussed exclusivity before? You know what happens when we assume?
Just talk to him, openly and honestly.
Good Luck!
Lisa
I say the relationship status WAS already established…but let it be, you turn the table on him, or just do it for yourself and go out with other guys, watch how fast he tries to define it for you then! Men are innately territorial, and want you lock down while they have fun. Previous poster says it’s the ‘modern times’ – so go out with other guys, but if you can’t separate the sex and feelings for him, like most women who try and fail miserably, then don’t do it to yourself. Walk away with pride and dignity…best to you!
Ms.Nova
What do YOU want? are you looking for something serious? can you handle continuing seeing this person if it’s not exclusive? The good news is, its up to you. if i learned anything about dating it was to be clear on what you expect and what you’re willing to accept. if you have no idea of the latter, then my love, enjoy all the dinners, trips to the museums and concerts you can handle and leave the act of sex out of it. no one wants to end up pregnant (or the stress of being late) for someone they just kind of like.
Nicki said it right, these are modern times! Don’t wait for him to drape your shoulders with his varsity jacket and ask to go steady, speak up for yourself! Be sure its from an honest place and not from the space of insecurity or jealousy. Start a relationship wrong, it will end wrong.